Comment from The Complete Prep: I have always loved Reese, but in regards to love as I get older I wonder why our generation is getting married later than any previous generation? It sort of worries me that we set ourselves up to look for and expect perfection of ourselves and others. We have to be the perfect employee, homemaker, wife and mother… and in response to that we want the perfect husband… It’s a curious thing
My Response: The Complete Prep is right… we are all guilty of attempting perfection. We must remember that there is a major difference between high expectations and perfection. No one is perfect and we should not try to be. Yes, we might be getting married later and have higher expectations but I have a feeling that we will also have a much lower divorce rate than previous generations. For me, I’m glad I have high expectations for myself and for others. It pays off and I’m confident that it will continue to pay off for me. As for romantic relationships, it’s not about being the perfect person… it’s about being perfect together… some would say, we are just trying to find the missing piece!
Thank you Complete Prep for such a great comment!
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Hmm… very interesting. Well as someone who recently got married at 28, I feel its the perfect age. I never intended getting married at an early age. Perhaps it comes from being raised by a single parent, but I wanted know myself and feel completely self sufficient before I thought about getting married. I never desired to be ‘perfect’ or find the ‘perfect’ guy, I wanted to be truly happy. I wanted to find someone that I could be 100% myself with, and they could put up with me (b/c I can be a handful). Sure I always had a vision of my ‘perfect’ guy in my mind but it was mostly superficial stuff – tall, dark hair, dark complexion, wears a suit to work, college degree, liked to workout (even though I don’t), etc. etc. And shockingly enough Mr. Jetplane met all those shallow requests and gave me so much more.
I’m glad I didn’t settle down with previous bf’s that I had earlier in my life 22-25, I was really becoming my own person.
But that’s just my own personal opinion. I will say that just within the past year or so my close college friends are starting to married. Its great to see us all entering into this new stage of our lives all around the same time. I’m attending 2 weddings of some of my college besties in the next 2 months.
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This is a great comment, yet at the same time I honestly do not think 28 to 30 is very old. For me it is important to establish a life for myself before starting a life with someone else. It is good to learn to work hard and pay bills before having a home. Also, I personally want to be able to start a family when I have enough money to pay for schooling, clothing, summer camp, etc. Therefore, I guess I have to wait! While it works out for many to get married young I do not think wiating means you are only willing to settle for perfection. I guess I feel a bit differently because my mother got married right after college graduation and she just wishes she had had more time to expand her career. She and my father knew they would get married so they could have waited and she could have done this. Also, I agree with you on the divorce rate! Taking the time to get to know someone and putting marriage off for a year will make a big difference! I guess it is just different for each person and personality type! If getting married young is in your cards all the power to you, but if you get married later it does not necessarily mean you are only willing so settle for perfection.
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I think a lot more people are waiting to get married, not in the search of perfection, but because they realize there is more to life than just settling down and getting married. I also think that many look at their parents’ or their friend’s parents’ failed marriage and want more for themselves. They are willing to wait to find someone who will complement them in the best possible way. I was just married in August at 30 (almost 31), and, while there were days I would have loved to be married earlier to him, I’m glad we were both 100% sure of our hearts going into marriage. It won’t work well if you aren’t!
I think the biggest concern with getting married later in life is being able to have kids and not having to worry about problems that may or may not occur during pregnancy. I comfort myself with the fact that I know equal number of younger and older women who have children with health issues and developmental delays (working in a pediatric hospital provides me with all sorts of research into this!), so you can’t make the assumption that 35 is the kiss of death for reproductive health as some in the media would have us believe.
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I love your reasoning. J and I have been together for 6 1/2 years. While people hassled us to get married years ago, we waited… because we knew our marriage would last if we waited a bit longer for both of us to “grow up” a bit. I love him dearly– despite his imperfections, and I know he tolerates mine. I’m glad we’ve waited so long to get married. My heart knows that he’s the perfect one for me.
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Whoa! What a great post. I agree with you, Nina, it is not about trying to be perfect or waiting for the perfect guy but everything to do with being perfect together as you so well eloquently wrote. It often takes time to find the one that compliments us and vise versa. As a 30 year old almost 5 years into marriage with no children I can honeslty say that my “real life” time line has gone nothing like my “imagined” time line and honestly, I am so thankful the Lord brought things in His time. I am a completely different person than I was at 22. Dr. Chick and I have been together since we were 18 but didn’t marry until we were 26. While we are best friends and love each other deeply we are thankful we had time to grow and mature before marriage.
I agree, I am confident that your expectations for yourself and your relationship will pay off in the end…patience always does.
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Amen! Fab’ post, so needed to hear this. How much richer are our lives too than the girls from our high schools that got married right after college? All of the adventures, trial and tribulations, all of the lessons, all of the fun! Have to remember that there are peeps that look at us with rosy colored glasses.
And like my Aunt M-N would always say when she still wasn’t married in her thirties (got hitched at age 35) to peeps that asked her “You aren’t married yet?” “Yes, and I’m not divorced yet either!”
I’d rather wait and be sure than act in haste and potentially regret my decision.
kHm
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Oh Miss Nina, I wish that I could fly you to NYC so you could explain to my mother (who is currently living here to help with the baby) and all of my married friends that we aren’t simply looking for the perfect person, we simply have high expectations and know what we want, need and deserve! I get so much grief from everyone that I am too critical, too picky, too judgemental…etc. But when you know someone isn’t right for you and yes, they may be perfectly good guys, they aren’t right for you so why should you settle for anything less than you deserve? I have high expecations in all aspects of my life so why should I settle for less when it comes to dating? I completely agree with you that we are looking for the perfect piece and we’ll find that piece in the end! xox
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I got married in at 28 & had a baby at 30 and I think any earlier would have been too early! What’s the rush?
Reese is an interesting example b/c she seems so perfect yet her marriage crashed & burned and she & Ryan have 2 children to think about. My opinion is she got married too early.
I think a lot of girls want a perfect wedding, a perfect husband, a perfect life…. It’s easy to get caught up in these things. I’ve been married for 6 years & marriage is wonderful but it is also a lot of work. No one honestly tells you this. I love my husband, we are perfect for each other but marriage is not easy. Even if the guy is perfect, that wears all the right stuff & says the right things with the great job. Especially when babies come into the picture. So many people want “babies”…gah! I want to tell them babies aren’t dolls to dress up. babies grow up fast & change the whole dynamic between you & your husband & your friends , job & everything. Why people rush this, I don’t know. Sorry to go off on a tangent….
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I agree, Meilssa-
Marriage = full-time job
Kids = full-time job
Career/Business OR stay-at-home parent = full-time job
It’s a lot to balance, probably impossible to give 100% to everything. So I believe it’s best to be as mature & settled as possible before entering into “marriage.”
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Not to sound like Reese’s personal adviser, but I think she is at a better place in her life to consider marriage now. I really HEART Reese!!
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A thought provoking post for sure. I feel that it’s not right to expect perfection either because it doesn’t exist.
You need to get to know the other person before you commit to marriage. I have friends who are pregnant with children before their 2oth birthday. My generation seems to be in a hurry to get married, but I’m not. I’m waiting on the one that God has for me.
Some people want to wait until they have enough money before they have kids, but they’ll never have enough. As my mom tells me, you can never plan enough to be truly ready for kids. You just have to know that you’ll love them within everything that’s within you, even when things don’t go according to plan.
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